


The Boy Who Loves Me

by c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Canon Universe, Friendship, M/M, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Teenagers, idolverse, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s/pseuds/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s
Summary: “Do you like boys?” Seungkwan asked after a while.“I don’t think so?” Hansol wasn't sure, but the answer felt true enough.“I see.” Seungkwan’s tone didn’t change. “Is it okay if I love you?" He asked."Hmm," Hansol hummed again. He felt Seungkwan’s hand seeking his own. He let him hold his hand and interlaced their fingers, giving the older boy a gentle squeeze.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The Boy Who Loves Me

Hansol was 14 when he met Seungkwan. He was 16 when Seungkwan told him he loved him. Hansol often thought how long it took for Seungkwan to fall in love with him.

Earlier that day, they started working with the girls for their team projects.

"Practice was fun today," Seungkwan said, tired but content.

"Hum yeah, it was." Hansol agreed. He had a good time. It was a nice change from the usual routine. 

"The girls, hum, it was fun talking to them." Seungkwan continued, "You know, before joining Pledis, I wasn't around boys that much."

Hansol titled his head at Seungkwan.

“It's true, I used to only hang out with girls back home.”

Hansol nodded.

“Do you think it’s weird?”

“What is ?”

"That I was with girls more than with boys," Seungkwan was looking down on his lap.

Hansol took some seconds to respond, “No."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Hansol was searching for words, "Mmm, it kinda makes sense?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know you’re just more...” he shrugged not knowing how to finish.

“Like a girl?” Seungkwan had a wry smile.

“Does it offend you?” His friend stayed silent for a while. Hansol was waiting to know if he crossed a line. The two boys talked about everything. Though they were careful to not hurt each other, they somehow naturally gave each other more leeway.

"No, it doesn't." Seungkwan seemed to come to this conclusion after careful consideration.

Hansol nodded.

“I don’t mind it if you think I’m like a girl,” the island boy added.

“Hmm.” Hansol's hands were burrowed in his hoodie's pocket. He was tired from practice and a bit sleepy. “Do you feel like a girl?”

"I don't know? Maybe?” Seungkwan didn't appear caught off guard by his question.

“Hmm, it's okay. You don't have to figure out everything, you know.”

“It’s…” Seungkwan paused.“..complicated,” he finished, nose wrinkled like he was holding back a sneeze.

“Yeah.” Hansol agreed.

Looking at Seungkwan being pensive, Hansol hesitated for a second before he offered, “Maybe we could do some research? Maybe it would help? I mean, if you want. We don't have to.”

"I think… I would like that." Seungkwan said, looking down, unsure but willing.

They spent the next hour reading up articles on their phones, in Korean, and, also, in English with Hansol translating. He tried his best to explain the terms correctly. Many didn't have translations, and he wasn't familiar with all. They found a lot – too much even – it was making their heads hurt.

"I don't know, I don't necessarily feel I was born in the wrong body or something, and I definitely don't want to change it."

"You don't have to."

“I guess I don’t understand most of it. I-I don’t want to be called Noona or Unnie. That’s for sure.” He added the last part with a decisive nod.

“Okay.” They were seated on the floor side by side, and Hansol’s eyes were drawn to the length of their legs. Noticing how his height had caught up to his friend over the years.

“Is there anything else you want to check?” he asked.

Seungkwan shook his head, then hesitating, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I think I like boys?”

Hansol’s head turned slightly toward his friend.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

"Okay." Hansol couldn’t say if the confession surprised him or not.

It just was.

Still, Hansol knew first-hand how difficult being different could be in this country. And as an idol, Seungkwan would have many more eyes on him, many more people ready to just judge and make him feel wrong.

Hansol wished he could be someone who reminded his best friend that he was just fine how he was.

"Okay," he said again, for himself this time.

They stopped reading, staying silently side by side, Seungkwan’s head on Hansol’s shoulder.

Soon, they were yawning. The yawn starting from Hansol and spreading to Seungkwan. They glanced at each other and giggled over their matching opened mouths.

They didn’t go to bed. Instead, they decided to watch a movie. Hansol went to find on one of the laptops. Some of the hyungs had laptops that they shared with the rest. He borrowed Wonwoo’s. 

Seungkwan lost at rock paper scissors so he got to picked the movie

Hansol was fighting sleep to concentrate on the movie, but Seungkwan kept fidgeting next to him. The head resting on his shoulder was moving non-stop.

Finally, "Hansol-ah?”

"Hmm?"

“I think I’m in love with you," Seungkwan said quietly.

Hansol often thinks about how Seungkwan had sounded that day. Shy but comfortable, like he knew it was okay. Okay, to be in love with Hansol.

He tried to look at Seungkwan, but the other kept his head down.

He gave up, letting his head rest on Seungkwan’s.

“Hmm.”

“Do you like boys?” Seungkwan asked after a while.

“I don’t think so?” Hansol wasn't sure, but the answer felt true enough. 

“I see.” Seungkwan’s tone didn’t change. “Is it okay if I love you?" He asked.

"Hmm," Hansol hummed again. He felt Seungkwan’s hand seeking his own. He let him hold his hand and interlaced their fingers, giving the older boy a gentle squeeze. 

"Okay, but that's a stupid movie Hansol.” If Seungkwan’s voice sounded a bit rough, Hansol didn’t comment on it.

They fell asleep, curled up together as if to prove nothing changed.

And, indeed, after that, things remained pretty much the same. They didn't discuss it for the rest of the training period. Remaining best friends, the fact that Seungkwan was in love him didn’t change their friendship.They were still stuck together like glue. They still touched all the time, holding hands, sitting on each other's lap, hugging, or roughhousing. Little 'accidents' from rubbing against each other too much in the midst of puberty, still happened, and they still laughed it off.

They still fought too. 

Hansol wouldn't say he forgot about the confession, but he just didn't do anything about it. 

He just wondered at times.

He wondered about that time Seungkwan cried because of him, his friend. A friend that was more than a friend.

He wondered if being in love with Hansol makes him cry.

Time passed, and they became idols.

When they debuted, it came with new aspects like fanservice and shipping. Once again, Hansol wondered. For the first time in years, he asked, “Do you mind all that stuff the fans ask?”

“No. I don’t." Seungkwan answered simply. "Do you?”

They stared at each other.

“If you’re fine with it, it doesn’t bother me either.” Hansol looked away first.

The conversation ended like that.

Hansol was not big on monitoring. Sometimes, he watched their videos but just performances. It took a while before he saw offstage content. Since Hansol didn’t get to see much of 17tv footage, it was a first for him, seeing _them_ on camera.

Seungkwan was never very far from him. The boy seemed to gravitate around Hansol. He was aware of it but it felt different to actually see it. He saw Seungkwan being territorial over him, hands on Hansol's chest, arms and face, body pressing against him. Hansol didn't mind.

Of course, Hansol also wondered why Seungkwan loved him. He never asked. He didn't think the why really mattered, he just wondered.

At some point, Hansol started watching Seungkwan.

He watched him when he talked, and noticed how Seungkwan talked with his hands. Freely gesturing, his hands never stayed still. Hansol was impressed with how good Seungkwan was on a variety. He was also impressed with how the island boy powered through his discomfort and tried his hardest to be entertaining - when he himself had a hard time mustering a smile with for the cameras.

Emotions laid bare for all to see, he watched him bloom on stage. He'd remember all the hours of practice, the frustration, the doubts, the easy happiness over some praise. Did he ever think about Hansol when he sang about love?

He watched Seungkwan act his 'part', jumping around, shouting, faking anger, and mocking himself. He saw the genuine hurt on his friend's face, after jokes on his weight and appearance, and he watched him smile through it.

He watched him smile when he was nervous and shy, and also when he was tired and sad.

He watched Seungkwan cry on stage, overwhelmed with emotion at doing what he loved.

He watched him laugh, surrounded by the members he considered family.

Hansol watched him again and again.

He remained close, naturally moving to match Seungkwan, wanting the best spot to watch him better.

Two planets somehow orbiting around each other.

No matter where or when Hansol’s eyes were drawn to Seungkwan. To Seungkwan's face, his cheekbones, his full lips, his bright eyes. To his body, his ever-moving hands, his waist, his legs, his...hips.

Hansol looked at him and thought Seungkwan was beautiful. Even if the other boy didn’t seem to know it sometimes. His friend was beautiful when he performed, when he talked to his fans, when he smiled at children, when he ate with his favorite food, when he looked at Hansol with his heart on his sleeve.

And Hansol keeps watching him, his best friend, this beautiful and talented boy, the boy who loves him.

_End_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


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